Make it fun =]

Its so easy to get stuck with your position in life. To accept the way things are, whether they are satisfactory or not. I often find myself being a cynic; in fact peoples optimism either makes me sick or angry, mainly because I wonder how I am so different from everyone else.
And really am I so different, or do people just hide it better?
Are those happy energetic smiling people in the morning -that I often take a disliking to for no good reason- just as lost and overwhelmed as me?
I constantly wonder how they can be so loud and happy at such and hour when I have to drag myself out of bed and half the mornings I don't even succed at that.
The point, and I do have a point, is that the mind is often the thing that holds you back the most; whether its in fitness, your job, relationships, or other aspects of your existence, ultimately if your brain is 'unhealthy' your life will reflect it.

So clear the stress, empty out the cobwebs in your mind, and try to relax. Don't stress about getting skinny or healthy, just do it. Find the joy and peace within the journey and eventually, before you know it you'll be there.
- Paula.

There is this feeling, when you are comfortable in your own skin; a feeling that embraces you and makes you truly live. I have felt this feeling, through fitness. I have achieved a goal, without knowing it. I'm afraid of that- the not knowing when I have made it- as much as I'm afraid of alot of things. I have fallen so far from that person I was, that person I want to be.
This journey is full of challenges: finding time to exercise, finding the motivation, fighting against that voice in your head, the negative thoughts and the confidence killers.
Most of all I want to be healthy, but I have fought a battle with weight that lead me to an unhealthy approach; I fear this will happen again, but part of me feels like even that would be better than this.
The out of control feeling, the disappointment I feel when I look in the mirror and can't do things I want to do. The disgust I have when I try on clothes or another pair of my favourite jeans don't fit. Its a constant struggle, a never ending craving for junk, an endless battle of failures.

That is why I joined this, to find an answer of sorts. To find the dedication to finally break free of my own self made restrainst and those that life have put on me. Its about breaking the limits, and pushing yourself into your full potential.

I appologize for the silence of late,
                        - Paula.

Struggles

Well, its been a while. A long while.  I've worked too much, spent a lot of time on school, and a lot of time with the people i love.It's left the gym in second place. It's getting there though, finding the motivation to get into it. It's a lot to get used to. Just have to find a balance, gotta find a balance...

megan.xox.